Death...

...by divorce. Yes, you do know that divorce is a form of death. The end - most of the time a BITTER end to something that started so positively. So lovely. Lovingly.

In my circle of friends, I am sad to report that 95% of us have fallen victim to the nasty statisic of the D word.

No not debt.

DIVORCE.

So ugly a word, many of us have a hard time saying it out loud.

In this week ALONE, I know of TWO people who have fallen victim to this awful word....

a close friend and a friend of a friend.

In a 48 hour span, two people within 6 degrees of separation from me are about to be separated.

What is really going on folks?

Are we that desperate for love that we will accept with gratitude anything that shows up on our doorstep? Really? No matter the drama before the marriage; the soft, gentle voice that tried to warn us. Or maybe it was a LOUD, BLARING voice that we just drowned while covering our ears out like "la la la la la, I don't hear you!"

Was it a question you asked that just didn't have a kosher response but that you just "let go"?

Was it they way some stranger (or SO you thought) looked at yo' man (or woman)?

Did the kisses become pecks that became a wish and the hugs become a pat that became barely a grunt hello/good-bye?

Did the kids take over the life you once knew?

Did work begin to fill the void your empty marriage once held?

Did the "innocent" flirting or conversation at work turn into an emotional affair before your eyes?

I joke and say I don't want to become known as the divorce whisperer and it's true - I don't.

But - men and women...listen up. The voice of God is not a deep, dark voice from the sky.

It's the text message you saw that you think you probably shouldn't have.

It's the distance that has grown between the two of you that makes you pause and reflect.

It's the constant nagging; arguments about and for nothing; deflection of blame....all designed to make you stop and reflect...hmmm. Love doesn't look like THIS!

No, it doesn't.

It's not pressure to be perfect or to perform on command.

It's not disrespectful. Or prideful.

It does not keep account of all the wrong that has been done.

It IS, however; the comfort of knowing that you know that you KNOW that your significant other is the Captain of your team; the president of your fan club.

It's the sweet nothings whispered in your ear...or text to your phone.

It's encouragement.

It's support.

It's liking you...truly LIKING you...anyway, despite your quirks.

It's a soft shoulder to lean on.

A gentle hand to caress your face and smooth out your brow.

It's a kiss...soft and sweet or strong and passionate.

It's holding hands on a hot summer day or a brisk fall day.

It's telling you something you may not want to hear in the most compassionate and gentle of ways.

Love is many, wonderful things.

But what it's not is something that feels uncomfortable, untrustworthy, or cold.

Do me a favor before you get married, begin a relationship or even decide to get a divorce.

Grab blank sheet of paper. Grab your favorite thing to drink or some ice cream to help get you in a happy, relaxed state (ice cream ALWAYS works for me!) Draw a line straight down the middle. Put a plus sign at the top of the left column and a minus sign at the top of the left column. Top of mind, begin to write down; literally scribe the first words that come to mind when you think of your partner and classify them as positive or negative by placing them in the appropriate columns. Seems silly but when is the last or dare I say FIRST time you've done this? I pray that God will open your mind in an objective way to complete this important exercise.

The rest is quite simple-read the list. Reflect on it. If at first glance the right side is longer than the left...you have one important question to ask yourself....are any of these deal breakers? Because you see if there is even ONE-you better think long and hard and PRAY for direction. God has called us to have life and have it in abundance-in a GOOD way. Misery. Settling. Dealing with it-are not of God.

On the other hand, if they are not deal breakers, pray that God will soften your heart (and that of your partner) so you can work through the tough stuff. After all, it's a piece of cake to God!

If you're fortunate enough to have a long list on the left, first THANK and PRAISE God. You see - this is RARE! Continue to nurture and build upon those wonderful qualities. Don't let the slightest temptation interfere.

And keep God first and at the center of all you do. He is a light until your feet and will guide you.

And for those of my friends about to take what can be a very lonely and dark walk down Divorce Lane; chin up! Hands together and pray. I am a testimony that this too...shall SURELY pass and you WILL BE healthy, happy, healed and whole on the other side. BELIEVE THAT!

he.

is…

Anointed

Blessed

Caring

Devoted

Efficient

Funny

Gorgeous

Helpful

Interesting

Joyful

Kind

Loving

Mannerly

Nice

Obedient

Patient

Quirky

Resourceful

Strong

Talented

Unique

Vulnerable

Wise

Xtra-special

Youthful

Zealous

These are the ABC’s of him.

One day, lord willing, he will be revealed!

Death

It is a part of life.

The moment you are born, you begin to die.

My mother taught me this concept very early on – I had to have been in high school or even younger.

I was so concerned about the thought of loosing my mother when I left for college, it was really my only concern about being so far away. Not entering college. Not making new friends. But, rather, what if I get that call while I am away?

I have been experiencing death that has impacted me directly since I was 13. It was then that our close family friend and my big brother was crushed to death by a piece of landscaping equipment. He lived with us and was like my brother. I was devastated.

When I turned 26, my father died after a bout with Stage 4 prostate cancer. Watching someone literally die before your eyes while enduring such pain is awful. I took care of him for 4 months every day while also going to work. When the end was near, I thanked God for reconnecting us and allowing us to spend such quality time together. I then prayed for Him to put my father out of his misery because watching him suffer was becoming too much for me to bare. Several weeks after moving him to his hometown of Springfield, OH and into a VA hospice, he passed away.

Most recently, my aunt went into the hospital with one, fairly common ailment, suffered a massive seizure and then was pronounced brain dead. In what seemed like an instant – she was gone. 10 days after removing the life support, once again, I watched someone literally die before my eyes. My aunt also passed in the hospice.

Today, while talking to my mother, I received a call that my manager’s mother was tragically killed in a freak accident. I could barely leave my manager a message and I was all choked up as I spoke. My soul was instantly convicted thinking of all the times I snapped at my mother or yelled at her. My manager would give her right arm and leg to have that chance once more.

Death. It is the only sure thing in this world after birth. The old saying goes - the only two things that are certain in life are death and taxes. As some of us know better than others (smile), you can avoid paying taxes (even though eventually, it does catch up!). But death? Yeah. About that. No escaping it when your number is pulled.

Life is a many splendid thing. We should enjoy every moment. Pain and sorrow are but for a night, but joy – we are told, cometh in the morning. Life is really too short. Period.

Grudges. Revenge. Loosing sleep. Crying over spilled milk? Plotting and scheming to get someone back who doesn’t even deserve ANYMORE of your time?

Forget about it.

Vengeance is not ours, says our Heavenly Father. God has blessed us with WAY more important things to do, amen?

Here’s list of what we need to focus on…

Honor God first and more sincerely.

Love more truly.

Express more freely.

Live and grow.

Never be afraid.

Speak from the heart.

Apologize more authentically.

Forgive more often.

Have NO regrets.

Take no one and nothing for granted.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Death is.

Expectations

We all have them. Wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. They show up in very interesting ways in our lives and how we handle them (or don’t) is totally up to us.

You expected a promotion and didn’t get it. Did you pout and pitch one? Or, did you praise God for holding off on your behalf until the absolute right opportunity presented itself to ensure your personal and professional success?

You thought that because you were raised by a woman who was the pillar of strength she would never, ever have a break down.

The friends whose bond you knew would never be broken because of your vow of friendship has ended. Suddenly. Abruptly. Or was it that you just refused to see the inevitable coming? And you are left thinking, were we ever even really friends to begin with?

How about the relationships that involve feelings beyond friendship. You just KNEW that because there was a connection – whether instant or over time, that you were bound to be together in some form or fashion. You “promised” you would never break the other person’s heart. You would always have each others backs. Your word to each other was your bond, among others ”bonds” shared. Then, the cloud you are on dissipates, reality sets in and you can see clearly now. The person’s true colors start to shine through and you think – man, this is NOT AT ALL what I expected?!?

How many times have you said THAT phrase in your lifetime? Let me repeat it one more time…

THIS IS NOT AT ALL WHAT I EXPECTED!

I deserved that promotion!

My mom was my rock!

Those were my brothers/sisters FOR LIFE!

BUT I LOVED HIM (or her for my male readers!)

Here’s where I challenge you and myself as well to be strong in the Lord and not only have faith but be patient in the Lord as well.

The opportunity? It wasn’t yours.

Everyone has their moment – maybe it’s YOUR turn to be the rock.

Friends come and go. True friends come and go and come back again.

Love – ahhhh, love. It feels so good when it begins and can feel absolutely awful when it ends. But like EVERYTHING else…this too shall pass. Think of the demise as God looking out for you when you didn’t have the strength enough to end it on your own even though you KNEW you should.

What are you hoping for? What do you expect?

Again I say, the Lord has 20/20 vision at ALL times. He knows what we need, when we need it. How do I know? Consider this….

…the phone call you got from a friend you hadn’t heard from in ages, just checking in for no other reason but to say hello! Little did they know, you had been down for days!

…the person you randomly met on a plane has a lead on a job opportunity that you need.

…love finds you when you STOP looking for it and let it happen. On God’s watch, not yours.

These are all examples of us managing our expectations, letting God do HIS thang and letting life unfold like it is supposed to. Naturally. Easily. With pleasant surprises (God looking out for us) verses heart ache and heartbreak (again, oddly enough – God usually looking out for us because we didn’t listen to him to begin with!)

Be attuned to the word and the sweet, soft sound of God’s voice. Hear it with your soul and keep it in your heart. He will never steer you wrong and will always guide you if you just listen, set down your expectations and allow God’s will to manifest itself in your life instead of expecting yours to.

Expect nothing but the blessings promised in the Word and you will rarely be disappointed.

Finish

The way you start is the way you finish.

Nine simple words.

One POWERFUL message.

What are you thinking about “finishing” in 2010? Forget about resolutions; like promises, they are made to be broken.

The more relevant question is, what are you finished with in your life from hence forward?

Is it yo-yo diets that finish with you right where you started as soon as you even think about eating a piece of bread? You know that if you don’t START to eat right or START to exercise you will FINISH not having met any of your weight loss goals.

Maybe it is a relationship that you know was not meant to be from the start. For whatever reason, fill in the __________; you gave it the ol’ college try and stuck it out. It got better, so you thought. You over-looked this or you ignored that. You “prayed on it”. God revealed exactly what you asked but you only heard (or didn’t hear at all!) what you wanted to. And now, the relationship is FINISHING right where it STARTED. Only now that you’ve invested time, energy and yourself into it, you are emotionally attached and you are eventually going to FINISH where you STARTED but hurt or upset in the process.

I know. It’s probably a dead-end, thankless, you want it like you need a hole-in-your-head but need-it-because-you-like-to-eat job. You know the ones…little or no recognition. More and more work and fewer and fewer people to do it. No true growth simply moving lifelessly from position to position or task to task. You make a dent in your inbox or to-do list and like a line at an amusement park, you turn a corner and it’s LONGER than when you started? You will FINISH where you STARTED…not at all thanked, tired, in the same place as when you started if not further back mentally, physically and intellectually.

Why do we accept this?

Why can’t we take those nine, simple words and apply the meaning in your lives?

Let’s flip the scrip to show that there is indeed a silver lining!

You meet someone unexpectedly and hit it off. Lots in common. Enjoy the conversation. You just click as friends FIRST. Guess what? God willing, you started how? As friends and so you will end, again if you remain true to the beginning.

You decide enough of the yo-yo’s, I’m working out and eating better. PERIOD! I can still have a piece of cake or bread now and again but overall, I feel healthier, more in shape and more in tune to my body. And since the weight is shedding off and I have more energy than ever, where I start is where I will end.

I could go on but you get the point. It is a very simple principal in reciprocal truth.

And spritual (truth). God wants us to have life and have it more abundantly. Not just more money. Not just more stuff ; but rather more rich experiences in our lives as a whole. Those that start on a good foot and finish on a good note…if they end at all!

So while we are still in “I’m going to do this for 2010” mode…why not consider a more reasonable, realistic approach to this menacing mantra we put ourselves through annually at about this time and ask yourself…

What am I going to FINISH?

Love

What’s it got to do with anything these days?

It’s what the world needs now, but is suffering so from lack thereof.

Marriages are in shambles because spouses don’t even love and respect themselves enough to enter into a relationship let alone get married. Yet, mentally (and sometimes physically) broken, battered, and ill prepared, they enter into relationships, start families, etc. without true care or concern for those they claim to love. It’s only a matter of time before this house of deception and lies comes tumbling down!

Our world is cold. Shallow. Dog-eat-dog. I gotta get mine, the HELL with yours! Climb on YOUR shoulders and kick you in the face when they DO get theirs! Crabs in a barrel….literally pulling each other down to push ourselves UP! Ponzy-scheming (steal your hard-earned money because they are too lazy to earn it the old fashioned way!). Backstabbers. Smile in yo’ face not just trying to take yo’ place but twisting and jabbing the knife in your back WHILE talking to you!!

And we wonder why…babies are having babies (they are looking for love in all the wrong places); our children are fearless and emotionless (the fight in Seattle while the guard just stood there watching a poor, young girl literally get her FACE kicked in or the young man in Chicago beat to death with a 2x4); there are more of us in prison than in college. More of us living in poverty. More of us literally dying to be loved – AIDS.

Why, you ask, is all of this happening and at such an alarming rate?

Because, like Stevie said over 30 years ago and it couldn’t be more relevant now; love’s in NEED of love…TODAY!

We need more hugs. More quality time and not FACEBOOK time! (I know, be quiet!). We need more conversation and concern. Less iPod and iPhone. Less tuning OUT the world and more tuning IN. We must shift from a community-must-serve-us mentality to a COMUNNITY SERVICE mind set.

We need REAL LOVE not that superficial bull *ish you see in the movies. The kind that Barack and Michelle show us on the regular – that even though I may disagree with you, we may have our ups and downs and in betweens; at the end of the day, I genuinely LIKE you so, we’re gonna be alright no matter what may come our way!

For those who have it – amen! I admire you. I salute you. I want to be like you when I grow up!

For those who are still searching for that ONE LOVE; stay strong and be encouraged. You may feel lonely but you are never, ever, alone.

Be strong, vigorous and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be

dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Jos 1:9

Happy Valentine’s Day. EVERY day!

Patience

Be anxious for nothing. That’s what we are advised by the good book (Phil 4:6).

Sounds pretty easy, right? Isn’t it interesting that the simplest of instructions for our lives present the greatest of challenges?

Patience has not come easy for me. I remember being a strong-willed child (surprise, surprise!), who was described as being a good friend but sometimes bossy (imagine that!). As I think back, many a tattle-tale would run to my mother and father and say, “Candice won’t let me…..” Well, old habits obviously die hard or not at all! As a result of how I was nurtured as a child, I don’t take a lot of or really ANY BS, I am not afraid to speak my mind and defending my position? Lately, I have been wondering how I didn’t become an attorney since I actually GAIN energy and momentum from “proving my point”!! Well, HR….Legal…same difference. A necessary evil and a thankless job…I digress!

So what does this have to do with the topic of our blog-ersation? (Clever – I just made that up! Hope I didn’t steal that from anyone!!) Well, it has a LOT to with patience, or the inability to have much. Because I have been “conditioned” so to speak, to be ME; it has been somewhat difficult in many ways to let others be themselves – especially when it doesn’t line up with or make sense to ME.

I have been working on this patience thing and it is definitely easier in some instances than others. I can, at a high level, testify that my patience, for example – in dealing with a serious work matter over the last year and a half has resulted in a fairly decent outcome or at least one that I think is reasonable. Only time will really tell and since we ARE talking about Corp. America, I have learned the hard way on more than one occasion to manage my expectations as it relates to work matters! On a personal level, those who know me and what I am going through as a result of my divorce, know it is taking a red-sea parting, water-to-wine type MIRACLE to maintain patience, focus and a level head! For the most part, I have slowly but surely begun to loosen the reigns, let go and let God be God.

Patience.

Dealing with the people in our lives – from family members to friends and everyone in between requires patience.

Maintaining our composure and professional disposition at work when we want to snap the BLEEP off requires what? Patience.

Even dealing with various situations in our lives- whether personal or professional, requires a level of patience and humility. I am often in awe at my ability to SLOW DOWN and press the pause button. The nice thing about God is, if you haven’t GOTTEN it yet, oh, He will much oblige you give you PLENTY of opportunity to perfect an area of your life that NEEDS perfecting. They say practice makes perfect and trust me when I tell you that in THIS area, a sistah is getting MAD PRATICE! Can I get a witness up in here?!?

So, as I close and call it a night – finally, at 1:13 AM, I encourage you to join me in perfecting patience in your life. The rest of that scripture; indeed another of my favorites and one that I stand on regularly – especially when faced with the “opportunity” to show myself strong to God in this area of patience – goes like this for those who are unfamiliar:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7

What a wonderful Father we serve – who will, at OUR choice, give us perfect peace if only we apply a level of patience in our lives! When I think about all the things I fretted and concerned myself about that wound up being “handled” by our Handler (God), I laugh at just how much time I wasted being concerned with matters God already had under control. He loves me AND you just that much that he wants us to have perfect peace that is beyond our natural ability to understand and He wants to guard our precious hearts and minds. How awesome!

On that note, I am going to sleep.

Patiently and….

… peacefully.

Good night and sweet, peaceful dreams!

Desires

Hello world! This is my first blog! YAY! I decided that since I like to write, I would take a stab at blogging and see how I like it. Welcome to my page! I truly hope that you are blessed by my thoughts, stories and posts and that my life can serve as not only a test to me, but a testimony to the PSA 20:4.

Many of you may be wondering what PSA 20:4 is.

While it does not stand for public service announcement, it is just that!

PSA 20:4 is a scripture that recently spoke to me and has been on my mind since. It says:

May He grant your heart's desires and make all your plans succeed.

Since I was suddenly taken from my sleep this morning at oh, approximately 3:30 AM, I decided to make the most of the time, use the restroom, talk to God and get on Facebook...not necessarily in that order!

I really enjoy writing. The irony of this is that while in high school some 20+ years ago, I was confronted by an English teacher who shall remain nameless (to protect the innocent and because she is quite amazingly STILL alive - I say this because I just KNEW she was approaching 105 when I had her!!). She told me that I was a really good writer. All I knew at that time was that I hated English, had no desire to read what SHE selected and could not wait to get to Chemistry! As the years have progressed, I have developed a fond liking for writing and an authentic desire to do so. Mrs. L would be proud! I am considering writing a book one day. Until the Lord blesses me with that million-dollar, earth shattering, never-been-done-quite-like-it-before idea OR I personally meet Oprah, - I'll blog!

So, you may be wondering why I chose to name my blog PSA 20:4. Not only did the scripture speak to me, the play on the acronym spoke to me as well. I do have "public service announcements" so to speak. Some will be about life in general. Others will brag on my Lord and how He has, does and always will have my back - even when I don't understand what or why a situation is going down the way it is. I may even decide to share a funny story or a serious matter. I feel like I am being led to literally and figuratively "go with the flow" and let the Lord use me as He will. I hope you will enjoy the ride. Let me warn you now to fasten your seatbelt - not only is the ride guaranteed to be bumpy, I work for THAT company so, we may accelerate beyond your control :-)

So what do I have to say about my first topic - desires? It's simple. You see, my favorite scripture promises that the Lord truly has my back - Jer 29:11:

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope..."

It has been in the quiet (and often very LOUD!) times of my life, particularly over the last 5 years, that I have leaned on this scripture heavily. It is so easy for me, a sistah from the East Coast with confidence and boldness (what can I say, I'm a LEO too!), to feel like I can take on anyone, anytime, anywhere...just BRING IT! This feeling of invincibility seems to become stronger and stronger with each personal and professional situation I face - kind of like Popeye and his spinach! The problem is, you can begin to feel like you need NO ONE - God included. The nice thing is, when that feeling overcomes you TOO powerfully, you can count on God to remind you who He is (be it a pebble, a brick or the whole wall!), amen? So, rather than invite that wrath, I have decided to take a NEW approach - one that acknowledges God in all my ways and puts Him first and center. Life is so much easier when you apply this logic! He will truly never leave or forsake you, even when we foolishly put our trust in man. When you pause and think about how many times man has straight dissed you and God has not...you quickly realize it's no contest, you stop fighting it and literally GO WITH GOD! I hope I don't sound to preachy or too much like the latest bumper sticker or t-shirt. My goal is simply to do just that - PUT IT SIMPLY!

Now, when we consider that God knows the plans He has for us and that He wants to give us the desires of our heart, you would think that this would enable an easy, peaceful sleep (obviously not as I glance over at the clock and it glares back 5:51 AM!) and an easy life in general for that matter. I mean, seriously, how awesome is that? That someone loves me enough to grant me the desires of my heart! When I count my blessings and not my troubles, I realize, no, I literally laugh about what ever got me all bent as the enemy was busy. I praise God that in the midst of the worst economic downturn in my adult life, I am yet healthy, employed, sane and HAPPY! I am reminded that issues and drama are temporary character building moments and the choice is mine to control THEM or let them RUIN ME.

I challenge you today, as you journey through your day and life in general to remember that the desires of your life are yours too, if you believe....so live life-with purpose, intention and remember, there is a perfect plan unfolding for your life. Just sit back and let it flow!

C. Nash