In my circle of friends, I am sad to report that 95% of us have fallen victim to the nasty statisic of the D word.
No not debt.
DIVORCE.
So ugly a word, many of us have a hard time saying it out loud.
In this week ALONE, I know of TWO people who have fallen victim to this awful word....
a close friend and a friend of a friend.
In a 48 hour span, two people within 6 degrees of separation from me are about to be separated.
What is really going on folks?
Are we that desperate for love that we will accept with gratitude anything that shows up on our doorstep? Really? No matter the drama before the marriage; the soft, gentle voice that tried to warn us. Or maybe it was a LOUD, BLARING voice that we just drowned while covering our ears out like "la la la la la, I don't hear you!"
Was it a question you asked that just didn't have a kosher response but that you just "let go"?
Was it they way some stranger (or SO you thought) looked at yo' man (or woman)?
Did the kisses become pecks that became a wish and the hugs become a pat that became barely a grunt hello/good-bye?
Did the kids take over the life you once knew?
Did work begin to fill the void your empty marriage once held?
Did the "innocent" flirting or conversation at work turn into an emotional affair before your eyes?
I joke and say I don't want to become known as the divorce whisperer and it's true - I don't.
But - men and women...listen up. The voice of God is not a deep, dark voice from the sky.
It's the text message you saw that you think you probably shouldn't have.
It's the distance that has grown between the two of you that makes you pause and reflect.
It's the constant nagging; arguments about and for nothing; deflection of blame....all designed to make you stop and reflect...hmmm. Love doesn't look like THIS!
No, it doesn't.
It's not pressure to be perfect or to perform on command.
It's not disrespectful. Or prideful.
It does not keep account of all the wrong that has been done.
It IS, however; the comfort of knowing that you know that you KNOW that your significant other is the Captain of your team; the president of your fan club.
It's the sweet nothings whispered in your ear...or text to your phone.
It's encouragement.
It's support.
It's liking you...truly LIKING you...anyway, despite your quirks.
It's a soft shoulder to lean on.
A gentle hand to caress your face and smooth out your brow.
It's a kiss...soft and sweet or strong and passionate.
It's holding hands on a hot summer day or a brisk fall day.
It's telling you something you may not want to hear in the most compassionate and gentle of ways.
Love is many, wonderful things.
But what it's not is something that feels uncomfortable, untrustworthy, or cold.
Do me a favor before you get married, begin a relationship or even decide to get a divorce.
Grab blank sheet of paper. Grab your favorite thing to drink or some ice cream to help get you in a happy, relaxed state (ice cream ALWAYS works for me!) Draw a line straight down the middle. Put a plus sign at the top of the left column and a minus sign at the top of the left column. Top of mind, begin to write down; literally scribe the first words that come to mind when you think of your partner and classify them as positive or negative by placing them in the appropriate columns. Seems silly but when is the last or dare I say FIRST time you've done this? I pray that God will open your mind in an objective way to complete this important exercise.
The rest is quite simple-read the list. Reflect on it. If at first glance the right side is longer than the left...you have one important question to ask yourself....are any of these deal breakers? Because you see if there is even ONE-you better think long and hard and PRAY for direction. God has called us to have life and have it in abundance-in a GOOD way. Misery. Settling. Dealing with it-are not of God.
On the other hand, if they are not deal breakers, pray that God will soften your heart (and that of your partner) so you can work through the tough stuff. After all, it's a piece of cake to God!
If you're fortunate enough to have a long list on the left, first THANK and PRAISE God. You see - this is RARE! Continue to nurture and build upon those wonderful qualities. Don't let the slightest temptation interfere.
And keep God first and at the center of all you do. He is a light until your feet and will guide you.
And for those of my friends about to take what can be a very lonely and dark walk down Divorce Lane; chin up! Hands together and pray. I am a testimony that this too...shall SURELY pass and you WILL BE healthy, happy, healed and whole on the other side. BELIEVE THAT!
No comments:
Post a Comment